Hm wow it's been a while since I last wrote something on my blog. There is one main reason for it: work! Yes it's a fact, I graduated in June, filled in some applications on websites and the first company that invited me for an interview and a test was Total, and a month later they offered me a contract. So August 4 I started at the Total Refinery in Antwerp, and that's where I still work today, luckily. :) Since then my life changed a lot, because I always have to get up at 5.15u and I was soooo not used to that. So no more going to bed at 2 o'clock during week days, now it's more something like 10.30u... I'm a woos. :p Work is awesome, most of my colleagues are really nice and I like the job a lot. There's a lot of variety in the tasks (that's the least you can say about it lol) and it's quite independent work.
Enough about work, there's something that bothers me... In the beginning of the year I had the feeling I'd met some really REALLY nice people online (I know, online... you can't get the complete image of how someone is, but still I think you can get a pretty good idea about it) but by now, the last days of the year, all contact has completely disappeared. Although I had a crazy summer with them, late September something changed. The summer feeling was gone and after saying goodbye then, we never said another word to each other. It is just SO strange, I don't really understand it. Or more specific: I don't understand myself in this. But I hear the comment is 'she doesn't speak to us anymore', well my comment is also 'they don't speak to me anymore', what's the difference? Maybe you can tell me what YOU feel about it?
And the thing that's even stranger: during summer I had the feeling when I saw certain people 'this is it, contact will fade out and it will end here' but no, at this point these are the people that I still e-mail with or talk to on msn. Anyway, I don't have a problem with anybody and I am happy that I got to know every single one of you (I mean all the ones not-Turkish now lol :p), it's an experience in life and wouldn't want to have missed this summer.
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Monday, 28 July 2008
Bodystyling week 3
Oké, so far so good... Until now I did first 2 sessions bodystyling, then went on a 10 day trip to Kusadasi and then did 3 more sessions of bodystyling. I thought my trip to Turkey would have ruined the whole thing because it was 10 days filled with eating and drinking and more drinking. But noooo, I even had lost some weight after that holiday haha! :)
So after 5 sessions:
Weight: -1.5 kg
Centimeters: -12
It's a bit of a slowly start, but considering my history they all say I can be happy and I'm doing good. So still very motivated!
So after 5 sessions:
Weight: -1.5 kg
Centimeters: -12
It's a bit of a slowly start, but considering my history they all say I can be happy and I'm doing good. So still very motivated!
Sunday, 27 July 2008
What's the point of it all?
Sometimes, as in now, I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m sitting at home, thinking about my life and thinking how useless it seems. I have my share of friends who I love and they love me too, I have a good job, great parents. But does that make my life meaningful? I’m afraid not. I don’t have someone to come home to at night, to share the good times and the bad, to go to bed with in the evenings and wake up in his arms in the morning. I know that’s not what should control my life, but it does at the moment because it’s the only thing I really miss. I miss the feeling of confidence in myself and in my future. At the moment it all feels so empty.
I know what made me feel like this, or better who. I just got back from Kusadasi, and yes… some sweet-talking no good lowlife got into my head.
Hm did I just write that? I know he’s no good, but oh god he is so adorable, knows just what to say to me, how to make me melt inside. I know this guy for months, it was the third time I saw him. From day one he caught my eye, but so what… I knew he had a fiancée so I didn’t show him that I liked him or anything. But they are so good at this; he must have seen it from the beginning. Well first time I saw him in May when I was there to celebrate my birthday and we didn’t say much to each other. Second time in June we were both a lot more talkative and there was a little touch here and there. I have to admit normally I don’t think I would appreciate a guy getting all touchy, but he could do just about anything with me at that point (as a matter of speaking!). So without thinking about it, I think from that moment I kind of showed him my interest.
Last time, in July, it was like there were no boundaries anymore… the first night he gave me a big hug, saying how happy he was to see me again, that I was his favourite, he missed me, blabla.
Then again all the little strokes here and there, all the eye contact. When I think about it, it was really a night full of flirting. Still I was shocked when the second night he just came to me and asked me to come back for him at closing time, so we could go home together. WHAT?! First for months he is telling me how great I am, that he loves the way how I’m behaving myself in Kusadasi, not throwing myself in front of every guy in Bar Street and how he respects that. Now he just tells me as blunt as possible how he sees I like him and that he wants to be with me that week because he likes me too. Well what an asshole, having a fiancée and saying those things. But oh god how right he was about me.
So should I? Hm tough one. If I purely thought about the pleasure for that night, I would have said yes right away. But I’m just not like that. I really had started to like that guy, how silly that may sound. I thought he could be just a friend, because I was not at all planning to come in-between a relationship. But time after time it comes to show: with Turkish men it’s all or nothing. Just being friends with a woman seems really impossible.
So I told this guy I wasn’t going to sleep with him, because if I did, what would be the result in the morning? I wouldn’t be any better than the sluts walking around Bar Street, just looking to go home with a handsome bar man. I’m no one night stand kinda girl, too bad… But he knew just as well as I did, that my answer came from my mind, not from my heart. My heart said go for it, because I liked him and what’s the big deal, we could have had a great week together and that’s it. So night after night this game went on. One night I actually was on my way home with him. I got myself that far, but still at one point I just knew nothing good would come out of it, so I said no, once again. Must have been pretty frustrating for the guy. :)
But at the end of the day I’m happy I didn’t go further than kissing with him, because now I’m already in a pretty bad mood, but if I slept with him I think it would have been 10 times worse, I don’t want to imagine that one.
Why can’t I just meet a Belgian guy, just as cute and funny and sweet as him, but with one little difference: genuine!
Sometimes I think what the hell, I’ll find my guy sooner or later, no worries. But oofff at the moment I think I’ll end up sad and lonely, because who would want someone like me? : Negativity all around…
I know what made me feel like this, or better who. I just got back from Kusadasi, and yes… some sweet-talking no good lowlife got into my head.
Hm did I just write that? I know he’s no good, but oh god he is so adorable, knows just what to say to me, how to make me melt inside. I know this guy for months, it was the third time I saw him. From day one he caught my eye, but so what… I knew he had a fiancée so I didn’t show him that I liked him or anything. But they are so good at this; he must have seen it from the beginning. Well first time I saw him in May when I was there to celebrate my birthday and we didn’t say much to each other. Second time in June we were both a lot more talkative and there was a little touch here and there. I have to admit normally I don’t think I would appreciate a guy getting all touchy, but he could do just about anything with me at that point (as a matter of speaking!). So without thinking about it, I think from that moment I kind of showed him my interest.
Last time, in July, it was like there were no boundaries anymore… the first night he gave me a big hug, saying how happy he was to see me again, that I was his favourite, he missed me, blabla.
Then again all the little strokes here and there, all the eye contact. When I think about it, it was really a night full of flirting. Still I was shocked when the second night he just came to me and asked me to come back for him at closing time, so we could go home together. WHAT?! First for months he is telling me how great I am, that he loves the way how I’m behaving myself in Kusadasi, not throwing myself in front of every guy in Bar Street and how he respects that. Now he just tells me as blunt as possible how he sees I like him and that he wants to be with me that week because he likes me too. Well what an asshole, having a fiancée and saying those things. But oh god how right he was about me.
So should I? Hm tough one. If I purely thought about the pleasure for that night, I would have said yes right away. But I’m just not like that. I really had started to like that guy, how silly that may sound. I thought he could be just a friend, because I was not at all planning to come in-between a relationship. But time after time it comes to show: with Turkish men it’s all or nothing. Just being friends with a woman seems really impossible.
So I told this guy I wasn’t going to sleep with him, because if I did, what would be the result in the morning? I wouldn’t be any better than the sluts walking around Bar Street, just looking to go home with a handsome bar man. I’m no one night stand kinda girl, too bad… But he knew just as well as I did, that my answer came from my mind, not from my heart. My heart said go for it, because I liked him and what’s the big deal, we could have had a great week together and that’s it. So night after night this game went on. One night I actually was on my way home with him. I got myself that far, but still at one point I just knew nothing good would come out of it, so I said no, once again. Must have been pretty frustrating for the guy. :)
But at the end of the day I’m happy I didn’t go further than kissing with him, because now I’m already in a pretty bad mood, but if I slept with him I think it would have been 10 times worse, I don’t want to imagine that one.
Why can’t I just meet a Belgian guy, just as cute and funny and sweet as him, but with one little difference: genuine!
Sometimes I think what the hell, I’ll find my guy sooner or later, no worries. But oofff at the moment I think I’ll end up sad and lonely, because who would want someone like me? : Negativity all around…
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
Bodystyling day 0
Today I had my appointment at the Bodystyling centre and so now I know what the possibilities are for my body... And I have to say, it sounds too good to be true.
Goal set by them: -90 cms all over my body.
Personal goal: -20 kgs.
I am still a bit sceptical towards the whole thing, but I will give it a try. The first 2 appointments for my introduction lessons are made. Perfect body here I come lol.
Goal set by them: -90 cms all over my body.
Personal goal: -20 kgs.
I am still a bit sceptical towards the whole thing, but I will give it a try. The first 2 appointments for my introduction lessons are made. Perfect body here I come lol.
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
Eat that...
Who would have thought: ME starting as a management assistant at Total. I bet none of the teachers at Hogeschool Gent saw that in silly little tomato An lol. August 1 will be thé day. First day of the new chapter in my life, called 'working'. :)
Oh little detail, I will start working for the same company as my old crash Mr Perfect. Exciting... Actually I don't think I will ever run into him or something, but still the thought of him also being there somewhere, bbrrr. ;p
Oh little detail, I will start working for the same company as my old crash Mr Perfect. Exciting... Actually I don't think I will ever run into him or something, but still the thought of him also being there somewhere, bbrrr. ;p
Tuesday, 24 June 2008
Let's get drastical
Oké, yesterday I just had enough of it. I noticed that last week in Turkey I lost 2 kilos. How's that possible?! I ate a LOT (yes I know, probably much healthier than at home), drank coke with dinner and in the evenings I drank cocktails and beer, every single night... And here at home I drink water all the time, also try to watch what I eat and what is the result? I lose nothing, not even a pathetic 100 grams.
So: I am going to start Bodystyling! Today! After my appointment there, I'll know what the possibilities are, set my goals and on this blog I will write the evolution. :) Hmm if i can hang on to it of course.
So: I am going to start Bodystyling! Today! After my appointment there, I'll know what the possibilities are, set my goals and on this blog I will write the evolution. :) Hmm if i can hang on to it of course.
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
You know who you are
You got it girl, everything you wanted. But be careful, because now I am the one being hurt, but one day everything will turn and you will see that your 'best friends' are not the ones you think they are.
And you know what, if you really did say everything back you read here, I hope someone will get under your skin and make you suffer aswell, as you deserve. You seemed so smart, but are you really just an ignorant little girl, afraid of finding out the truth?
If not, please tell what it is, because I have no idea what makes you do this.
And you know what, if you really did say everything back you read here, I hope someone will get under your skin and make you suffer aswell, as you deserve. You seemed so smart, but are you really just an ignorant little girl, afraid of finding out the truth?
If not, please tell what it is, because I have no idea what makes you do this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
